Those of you who have ever taken the time to read those throwaway suburban papers will realise that most of the articles are in fact just text adverts for the people who have paid for display ads in that edition. Some local rags are entirely up front about it, Heck I’ve even written a few blurbs when we have taken out advertising ourselves. So for the elucidation of the Sandpit’s readers I will translate the text of this advertorial  for a contentious book:

SHE has been copping a daily beating from journalists, police and the public but Christine Nixon was finally among friends at the launch of her autobiography, Fair Cop.

The sisterhood does not care that many people die on that black Saturday as it comes together to celebrate a wonderful example of excuse making and blame shifting.

The former police chief got a standing ovation as she took the lectern at the Hotel Windsor yesterday.

The same crowd who loved David Hicks’ book just happened to be in town so of course they cheered for Nixon, Chandler and Gillard.

Prime Minister Julia Gillard sidestepped the controversy about Ms Nixon’s career as she launched the book, which was co-written by Age journalist Jo Chandler, saying she was ”not here today to adjudicate” on Ms Nixon’s decisions on Black Saturday.

The Prime Minister was delighted to be on the stage with two women who are probably loathed  as much as she is and she is very fond of the old saying “Judge not lest ye be judged” when it comes to Nixon’s Black Saturday performance.

”I am here because Christine Nixon is a high-achieving Australian whose long journey of public service deserves our attention and regard,” Ms Gillard said.

“I am here to see how well getting a journalistic hack to rewrite history to make the people forget my bad judgement and poor decisions might work ”  Ms Gillard said.

But she did say that Black Saturday would be ”a day Christine will reflect on for the rest of her life”.

That mushroom risotto will be repeating on Christine Nixon for the rest of her life.

The Prime Minister then declared Top Cop officially launched, bungling the book’s title.

True to form the Prime Minister stuffed up the books title when she officially launched it.

It was left to the publisher, Louise Adler of Melbourne University Press, to take on Ms Nixon’s foes in the media and the police in a firebrand speech.

Desperate to recoup the publishers costs, Louise Adler of Melbourne University Press, worked hard to spin Nixon’s sorry history as something positive.

”She took on a coalition of hardcore recidivist police resistant to change, opportunistic politicians adept at the dog whistle and a tabloid media both stoking and profiting from resentment and ignorance,” Ms Adler said. ”What better target could that nasty coalition have than a woman intent on cultural change at the helm of a largely macho organisation?”

Ms Nixon is not really bad, she is just a victim of all of these nasty men who were just out to get her because she is a woman with a few extra kilos to carry around and her problems are all a result of the resistance  of the evil patriarchy.

Ms Adler also revealed that a Herald Sun reporter had called her during a news conference last Friday, evidently by mistake, and left on her voicemail a discussion about how to structure a story on Ms Nixon and her book.

Ms Adler also revealed alleged  that a Herald Sun reporter had called her during a news conference last Friday, evidently by mistake, and left on her voicemail a discussion about how to structure a story on Ms Nixon and her book. Thus alluding to the hack gate scandal in the UK

It was ”a small insight into how easily and insouciantly truth is manufactured and reputations are taken apart,” Ms Adler said.

I know that among my friends here if I suggest that the  MURDOCH EVIL EMPIRE is behind the trashing of this righteous Sista’s name I will get applause.

Labor Party elders Joan Kirner, Barry Jones and Mary Delahunty were there, as were several who lived through the Black Saturday fires.

The Party faithful were in attendance to help Nixon to play her victim card to perfection and they even managed to get some Black Saturday victims to  attend even though most are unimpressed with Nixon

Former Victorian premier Ms Kirner – who knows a few things about being a woman in power and being picked on by the media – said Ms Nixon was ”fair game” when she was in power, but that the recent pursuit of her was ”bullying”, not reporting.

Joan “Im a victim of the nasty MURDOCH EVIL EMPIRE too” Kirner said that Nixon should not be criticised just because she is trying to promote her self serving book on any media outlet that will give her air time and that they should just get with the program to promote a book from a righteous member of the sistahood.

”In the book she named bullies and this is what I think the Herald Sun approach has been about since she left public life,” Ms Kirner said.

In the book she has a big sook about the MURDOCH EVIL EMPIRE who just hate the idea of a sista making herself look good in print.

Later, Ms Nixon suggested people ought to ”move on” from their anger over her decision to leave her post for a pub dinner on Black Saturday.

Later Nixon was suggesting  the great mushroom risotto and saying that after that  they should “move on ” to a cold desert when people are dying on a Black Saturday.