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New Again Dear Leader to make a stellar announcement today

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Sandpit Exclusive

I am glad to be able to share with our readers the result of a leak from within the ALP of the New Again Dear Leader’s visionary plans to relocate our entire Air force to a brand new location with a new global mission. Today at the debate with Tony Abbott the New Again Dear Leader will be announcing that our primary air base will be the international space station which the New Again Dear Leader has agreed to buy at a minuscule Billion billion dollars. and to pay for this great leap forward the New Again Dear Leader will be instituting a new tax on orgasms made possible by the interactive possibilities of smart phone technology ,twitter and the NBN.

Find below an extract from a draft  the New Again Dear Leader’s opening speech also leaked to the Sandpit:

Friends we face the  great challenge of just how we can be a global player in the affairs of the world when we are so isolated in the southern hemisphere and all of the great theatres of war are in the north, So to answer this global challenge there can be only one way that we can have the correct technological specificity and ensure that we have the most certain suck of the sauce bottle we have to nationalise the international space station and make it the forward operating base for our aircraft. Of course Mister Abbott will tell you that this can not be done and that we as a nation can not afford  the cost of such a scheme but what else would you expect from the man who has been so negative? He has no vision and no understanding of the greatness that the Australian Labor Party can bring to this nation of ours.

Further on in the speech he explains just how  the orgasm tax will work:

Its is well known that we are a nation of innovators and that is why this new O-tax will be such a screaming success,  by implanting a sub-dermal micro chip under the skin of every Australian and linking their output to the NBN we will be able to tell when every Australian experiences orgasm and they will then be charged the minuscule sum of  $5.68.  to incentivise the nation there will be a discount for those who orgasm with the greatest frequency, so   with 24 million Aussies reaching a crescendo of pleasure, pulling for the nation so to speak, on a regular basis we will very quickly  accumulate enough funds to fund both the purchase the space station and the supporting infrastructure .

Being a man of political balance I have of course sought  out a response from the leader of the opposition and a spokesperson  for Tony Abbott told me this over the phone:

“Rudd is just projecting his masturbation fantasies here mate just as he is about moving the Navy north its all a load of rubbish about buying the space station however I do think the orgasm tax is a dinkum Idea from the New Again Dear Leader and its designed to drain the funds from the Greens who we all know are the biggest mob of wankers in the country …”

So in the end this is obviously the sort of nonsense that we can expect form a desperate regime who know that they are beaten and will promise the country the skies themselves even though they know and we know that they know that they are incapable of delivering any of their ever more fanciful wild promises.

Cheers Comrades

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Daring to dream the perfect dream

There would be something truly delicious if the  the New Again Dear Leader were to lose his own seat on September 7 as polling in the Guardian suggests is possible:

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I would think that If I were an elector in Griffith I would be mighty pissed off about Rudd failing to front up to a candidates debate in his own electorate. It shows rather disgusting arrogance and its proof that he is taking the voters in his own seat entirely for granted and if there is one thing that turns voters off its being taken for granted, Then again this could be a calculated effort from the New Again Dear Leader to deliberately loses his own seat so that he would not have to resign after the landslide. That is a scenario that I would not doubt knowing the practice that our New Again Dear Leader has had over the last three years he spent undermining Gillard. Rudd is a one man conspiracy and his whole strategy has been about his ego and what could be more humiliation for the New Again Dear Leader than losing the election and retaining his seat? The upside of him losing his seat would be a large saving to the tax payer as a by election would not be necessary…

Hopefully the New Again Dear Leader’s snub will be enough to make that saving and we will finally be rid of this loathsome man and his over inflated ego.

Cheers Comrades

Plants vs Zombie Rudd

When I having something of a “senior”  moment I have been known to  say that “I’m on drugs”  in reference to my pain meds. Well watch this and I invite you dear reader to consider just what kind of drugs  the New Again Dear Leader  is on in this video:

Besides the unbelievable LITURGY  suggesting that  victory is possible for the ALP  what I found so irksome was the New  Again Dear Leader telling this bunch of children that the “ALP build things and the Coalition Knock them down “ which is bollocks  because the truth is that the ALP plan to build things and then fail more often than they succeed in making anything worth while. .

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Any way the reason I’m posting this is because the   New Again Dear Leader  distinctly says that he is “is not gong to draw breath” for the next three weeks until the  election. Now the last time I checked a human being can survive for a couple of minutes with out breathing and after about five minutes you have irrevocable brain damage so imagine the state of the New Again Dear Leader ‘s brain by the time that the polls open on September 7… this must mean that we already have a Zombie PM in the lodge

Cheers Comrades

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The party is over for The New Again Dear Leader

Its entirely understandable that Labor true believers are feeling rather despondent at the moment  because things are not looking good for the New Again Dear Leader as in the marginal seats where it really matters his support is evaporating away faster than metho on a hot day, soon all that will remain is the memory of that cool wetness and a faint wiff of alcohol in the air.

Western

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Until now i have been rather circumspect about calling the result at this early stage but i just feel it in my water that the result for Rudd is going to be a defeat of Queensland proportions with Labor reduced to an ignoble rump.

And that dear Comrades, is something to cheer.

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