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Dead ‘roo in the (Grevillea) Gardens

(by Ray Dixon – kangaroo culler from northeast Victoria)

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I got quite a shock yesterday morning to find this rather large (and very dead) kangaroo had come to rest in the garden outside our Bright (Vic) holiday units

From my forensic examination of the scene I determined that the ‘roo had been hit by a car and then struggled into our front garden where it thrashed about in its death throes before carking it in the middle of one of  our prized Grevilleas.

Actually, from the look of the tyre marks on the nature strip and the lack of any skid marks on the road, it appeared that some cretin had deliberately swerved off the road to mow it down as the ‘roo grazed on the lawn. Someone with a bloody big ‘roo bar fitted to their 4WD, no doubt. These yobbo, redneck morons unfortunately exist.

So, what do you do with a dead kangaroo? There’s a long weekend coming up and the carcass was in close proximity, sight and smelling-distance of our guests. It’s not a good look. I considered the options, which narrowed down to the following:

  • Drag it back to the side of the road and hope that the official road-kill collector just happens to pass by?
  • Bury it on the spot?
  • Call one of the local restaurants to see if they needed an addition to their menu?
  • Or skin it, gut it and carve it up myself and then invite the rellies around for a ‘roo barbie?

In the end though, I decided to call the ranger at the local Alpine council, although he usually only collects live animals and takes them to the pound. Also, as the dead ‘roo was on private property, he could easily have said “it’s not our problem”.

Much to my surprise (and delight) though, the ranger agreed to come around, pick it up and take it away – almost immediately!

I’m not sure what he did with it but I understand there was a bloody big banquet at the Council Chambers last night.

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And the winner is … NOT Australia

I can’t believe Australia has missed out on winning the right to host the FIFA 2022 World (Soccer) Cup. We had everything going for us. Look at the competition we were up against:

 South Korea: They had it not long ago and now they’re almost at war with the north. Too risky. No chance. Japan: They shared it with Korea in 2002. Go away. USA: They’re broke! Qatar: Where? What? …… they won!!!???!!!

What happened? How? Why? Everything was in our corner. We actually have stadiums, water and grass and mountains and beaches and stuff. And it never reaches bloody 50 degrees temperature like it does in that Qatar desert of a country. How can you play soccer over there?

We were right on track, going strong. We greased all the right palms. We said all the right things. And then we went to Zurich and made a presentation and then ……

And then we showed this video:

Oh. I see. 

Snatched defeat from the jaws of victory with another cringeworthy tourism ad. 

And an animated kangaroo!

How f*cking typical is that?

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