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A lovely bit of satire from Anthony Ackroyd
Just for a change of pace here I’m going to share with my dear readers what I’m waiting for the postman to deliver…
When you have to spend time lying down there is not much better than pretending that you are a badass street racer especially if its in cars that you would love to own or drive in the real world …
As regular readers will have gathered I actaully like the craft of writing, In this craft, like all forms of creative writing, you learn what works to get your message across and you learn that by having a direct interaction with your readers, rather than having what you write filtered through an editor or a publisher. You see what I am circling around is the issue of “literary awards” and their role in the writing landscape. I have been inclined to think about this because Campbell Newman has just announce that he is scrapping the Queensland Premiers awards with an annual saving to the budget of nearly a quarter of a million bucks. Of course the response to this from the literati has been to denounce this as the act of a philistine:
Personally I think that poetry per se is very over rated and that apart from aspiring members of the literati nobody reads poetry at all these days. The exception is of course the poetry of songs and songwriters. I bet that if you ask “Jane Bloggs” on the street to recite a poem from memory you will draw a blank but you ask her to tell you the lyric to a popular song and she will be close to word perfect. Of course the cultural elites look down their noses at mere popular music yet that would have to be the only form of poetry that makes any kind of an impression on the people or makes quid these days. So perhaps we should acknowledge that Campbell Newman is doing we Queenslanders a favour by scrapping the awards and allowing a rather useless forms of literary expression slide into the obscurity that it so richly deserves
In this the first of my new series of Art for non-artists, I teach youse how to win The Wynne Prize for Australian Landscape painting and pocket a cool $25,000:
Step 1: Take an old but famous painting like this Dutch landscape from 1668
Step 2: Photocopy or scan it onto a smaller piece of paper so it looks like this:
Step 3: Apply some white-out:
Step 4: Darken the tone, colour in the bits, add a few stars and voila: (more…)
Whilst we are on the subject of “art” (NOT as defined by Melbourne Lord Mayor Robert ‘I think stacking bricks is art’ Doyle), let’s take a look at the 34 finalists of the infarmous Archibald prize for portrayts. Now I have narrowed it down a bit and come up with a shore fire winner. Here we go:
No. Danny Green is not ‘the man’. Where is Mundine?
I do not know who Paul Newton is so let this be a lesson to all wannabe Archibald entrants: If you are going to do a self portrayt then (1) Make sure you are important enough first. (2) Do not do it after a night on the drugs.
And I do not know who Geoff Ostling is either – and I do not want to know about his tattooed arse.
But I know who is this and it’s pretty good. But Malcolm Fraser is not exactly a man-of-the-moment.
I think that Portraytts of ‘Damien the Omen’ should be banned.
And so should portrayts of First Fleet convicts.
Is he one of the ‘Scared weird little guys’?
Oh, another self-portraytt by another unknown artist (and it is rather plain don’t you think?). I prefurred the guy on drugs.
I did not think they allowed photos in the Archibald, but I guess they make exceptions for very rootable chicks like Kate Ceberano, even though she’s in the cougar category now.
Who the hell is Andrew Upton and why pick an ugly guy as your subject?
It looks like the artist tried to do a Van Gough style portriat of Bob Dylan – and failed.
A drunk Max Walker does not make a great subject. Nor would a sober one.
And the winner is:
Before I am accused of being a retragrade kneejerker picking on easy targets let me explain that I have nothing against artists getting grants if what they are spending it on provokes thought, entertains or gives you a hard-on like the 5,000 nudes in front of the Opera house did for Sydneysiders recently. But Melbourne Mayor Robert Doyle, the former leader of the Liberals, has missed the point when he defends this one by saying, “the very fact it has prompted a discussion is ‘job done’.”
LORD Mayor Robert Doyle has defended Melbourne’s expenditure on installation arts, saying the very fact it has prompted a discussion is “job done”.
The city council has awarded Sydney artists Michaela Gleave and Kate Mitchell $5500 to build and immediately take down five 1.5m walls over five days in May.
Gleave said they would cart 1000 bricks in a van to sites including Birrarung Marr and Federation Square, and spend from 7am to 3pm each day creating and dismantling straight walls as a comment on labour and infrastructure.
But Cr Doyle defended the expenditure, saying art should amuse, entertain, and spark debate. He said if the aim was to achieve those goals, quirkier art was more successful than statues of royals erected in Melbourne’s parks. (Herald Sun)
Look Doylie, they are not building permanent statues out of these bricks. They are not even building retaining walls, and they not even using any mortar! Stacking bricks is only useful if the bricks are gonna be used for something. And I have never seen – and I cannot imagine I ever will see – peoples being “amused” or “entertained” by watching these women stack bricks rather badly. Maybe if they dropped some on their toes I would laugh but this is not art. What do youse think?
(PS: If the “artists” will stack the bricks in the nude I will withdraw my objectionable post, apalogise and even pay money to see it)
February 29, 2008 06:51amArticle from: Agence France-Presse
The exhibition, which opened in central Berlin on February 22, has been closed to ensure the safety of staff and visitors, Ralf Hartmann from the artists’ collective Kunstverein Tiergarten said today.
The show by Danish collective Surrend is aimed at depicting what they say is the absurdity of extremism in all religions.
One of the 21 photos is of the Kaaba – the cube-shaped building inside the Grande Mosque in Mecca – with the inscription describing the stone as “stupid”.
Another shows an astronaut on the moon standing next to an Israeli flag. The photo has the inscription “Neonazi-Hallucination”.
In 2006 an avant-garde adaptation of a Mozart opera was scrapped because of threats resulting from the use of Mohammed’s decapitated head in the production.
I really don’t understand just why the Germans are so willing to give in to Islamic intimidation in matters such as this. It certainly shows a distinct lack of intestinal fortitude when it comes to the matter of free speech, or artistic expression. Which is so sad when the German Dada artists were so courageous in their willingness to criticise the Nazis in the period leading up to the second world war with great pieces like this collage. For those not versed in the period this refers to a Nazi slogan extolling the German people to have “guns before butter” and devote the nation to re-arming rather than raising the standard of living after the devastating depression in the early 1930’s .
In our modern society we should be defending the right of artists to mock the religious dogmas and icons even when this offends the true believers. Sadly having surrendered to the threat of Islamic protest once before they are now clearly in a paradigm where surrender is the only option.