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SockPuppet’s art lessons for non-artists

In this the first of my new series of Art for non-artists, I teach youse how to win The Wynne Prize for Australian Landscape painting and pocket a cool $25,000:

Step 1: Take an old but famous painting like this Dutch landscape from 1668

Step 2: Photocopy or scan it onto a smaller piece of paper so it looks like this:

Step 3: Apply some white-out:

Step 4: Darken the tone, colour in the bits, add a few stars and voila: (more…)

SockPuppet’s page

Like a lot of characters SockPuppet ( Socky to his friends) is a multifaceted individual who has his own view on life and a strong sense of what is right and proper. This inspires him to write pieces that are  hard hitting and topical.

His primary purpose is to take the piss out of the sanctimonious and the hypocritical posers of the world that he does in his own inimitable style.

Sometimes a bit crude, sometimes more than a bit abrasive,  he is never boring,

Read and enjoy his  guest postings here

Cheers Comrades

Iain

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Teste-monials

Here are your TESTES:

Do not be tempted to scroll down straightaway (with the arrows) to the last and best one.

It is worth the wait:

I have indented the quotes below (moved them in from the margin):

This is them:

(Indented):

Please try harder.
Billy Bedlam AKA Iain XXXX

I just think you are being a bit of a wowzer Socky
Len

Socky Go back to school
Daed

I’m not taking you seriously Socky, I’m treating your views with all the respect they deserve
JM

what is the point of this vile crap?
staydead23

dont know why i’m even bothering again but here goes
bel_rox

ure a wannabe … even a 3 yo could work out ure a lier. GET A LIFE!!!
bel_rox

Well Mr.Sock Puppet, have you tried ringing 3AW and crying into Neil Mitchell’ s ear?
Rossini

Do you understand the phrase “hundreds of thousands” or are you innumerate?
JM

is this just voyuerism on your behalf???
PKD

perhaps Socky could enlighten us and get away from the locker room
JM

Normally I would agree with the sentiments in this post, buuuuuut
PKD

Is this post meant to be funny? If so, it didn’t work.
Joel Bryan

Speak for yourself.
JM

Hah. This post is ironic, right?
Toaf

if you want to be a sook and take it the wrong way, thats your call…
PKD

why talk about porn stars and big dicks?
skeptic

I don’t know what you’re on about Sock
Craigy

I will defend your right to your opinion
PKD

As you can see I am building an impressive aray of ackolades.

But my favorite and most treasured teste-monial comes from someone who knows about the internet, twitter and social mediaring the most and more than anyone else in Australia:

It is this one:

On the next line:

(Indented):

You’re hilarious, Socky, keep it up mate.
THE DOCTOR

It makes it, um, you know, all worth while I suppose.

The cycling lycra we’ve all been waiting for

(by SockPuppet ~ a Libraryatarian blogger)

nude-cyclists-1

Click to enlarge if you must – warning it looks more like real muff in the small image

 

I cannot believe what all the fuss is over these brave Colombian girls wearing lycra that looks like a bare midriff gone way south  – all the way past Brazil if ya get me drift:

A flesh-coloured kit that makes a Colombian women’s cycling team look naked below the waist has been described as unacceptable by the sport’s governing body.

Photographs of the Bogota Humana team were taken at the Tour of Tuscany, showing the six women wearing red and yellow kit with flesh-coloured material immediately above and below the waist.

After the pictures went viral on social media, International Cycling Union (UCI) president Brian Cookson wrote on Twitter: “To the many who have raised the issue of a certain women’s team kit, we are on the case.

“It is unacceptable by any standards of decency.”

Among leading riders criticising the outfits was the Welsh former Commonwealth, Olympic and world road race champion Nicole Cooke.

“This has turned the sport into a joke,” she said.

“Girls stand up for yourselves – say no.”

What a bunch of spoilt sports.

Let the girls show their fake lycra muff if they want to.

They obviously did.

Yeah I think maybe they should “stand up” too by saying “up yours Nicole” and show their real muff – don’t you?

Go the whole hog girls and cut out the middle bit for real.

Just do it. Please.

It would do wonders for the sport.

Looking for the iClouds in the Internet sky

(by SockPuppet ~ one confused little puppy)

This is just a brief and short little post with a question I want answered:

What the f*ck is an iCloud and how do I find one?

Apparently there are some dumb celebratees who have stuck nude photos of themselve innit.

If you know the answer maybe you know the passwords too?

That is all. I have to go outside now and look for iClouds in the sky before it gets too dark.

 

 

Kathy Jackson’s “charity shag” comes back to haunt cross examine her

(by SockPuppet ~ a willing “charity shag” recipient)

 kathy-jackson-2

For a 48-year-old Greek girl National secretary of the Health Services Union Kathy Jackson does not scrub up too bad.

Better than that other 40 sumthing Greek girl Sophie what-was-her-name-again?

At least she has not gone to fat.

And I reckon that 22 years ago at age 26 a young(er) Kathy might have been pretty hot.

Way to hot to give that guy above a “charity shag” dont you think?:

Union whistleblower Kathy Jackson admits “we all make mistakes” in life – including a “charity shag” she had with Health Services Union barrister Mark Irving SC more than 20 years ago.

Speaking outside the royal commission into trade union corruption on Friday, Ms Jackson said: “Forget the former lover stuff. Everybody makes mistakes and has a charity shag along the way.

“I just could not believe he had the audacity to sit there and want to cross-examine me.”

Ms Jackson, who is on sick leave as national secretary of the Health Services Union, side-tracked the royal commission into union corruption for more than an hour on Thursday after she asked for Mr Irving to be stopped from cross-examining her because she had sex with him 21 years ago. 

So what is a “charity shag” you may ask?

Well I have searched Google high and low for a defernition and this is the best one I found:

A charity shag is exactly what it sounds like. It is when a man or woman will sleep with someone of the opposite sex out of pity.

They think that the person they are sleeping with will never get anyone to sleep with them so they do it out of charity.

Oh okay I see it is like a “oncer” to make the other lesser person feel better about himself.

But then there is this:

In an affidavit read out by Ms Jackson’s legal representative, David Pritchard, SC, Ms Jackson declared she had a sexual relationship with Mr Irving in 1992 when he was acting for the union as an employee of law firm Maurice Blackburn.

Ms Jackson said that in late 1992 she and Mr Irving “had a few too many drinks and went back to his place where we had a sexual relationship”.

At the time, Ms Jackson said she was in an unhappy first marriage. 

“Over the course of the next six to eight weeks, I would go back to his place after Friday night drinks and we would have sex,” her statement said.

“I recall he lived near the cemetery and had a barber’s chair in his lounge. After six to eight weeks I pulled back as I did not want to destroy my marriage and I began distancing myself from Mr Irving.

That is a f*cken lot of charity shagging to give out there Kathy. Six to 8 weeks? Did you do it on the barbers chair? Or in the cematery?

Look I dunno if the Commissioner was wrong to let Irving question her seeing that he has probably never had sex since and still wants to root her.

But I reckon Kathy should of  just shut up about her “charity shag” and offered him another one if he would step down.

Even though she is now 48 she is still way out of Irvings league.

I might even be tempted myself.

Out of “charity”.

if she asked nicely.

Or at all.

Would you give Kathy a “charity shag” too?

“Anyone who buys one will never want a real girlfriend again”

 (by SockPuppet ~ owner and keeper of a real-life living doll whats called Laura*)

 For all you guys out there not getting nuthing in the sexual market place (SMP) your worries are over.

 If you can cough up about just $2000 grand and a bit you can now get a bit.

 Like forever:

Japan’s creepy sex doll industry ‘reaches next level’ in creation of perfect artificial £1,000 ‘Dutch Wife’ which comes with ‘realistic feeling skin’

  • Firm Oriental Industry claims the dolls are their most realistic to date
  • Come complete with realistic feeling skin and authentic looking eyes
  • Sold under the name ‘Dutch Wives’ and cost just over £1,000 each
  • Company say early sales indicate the dolls are a big success

A Japanese company claims to have reached the next level in developing the most genuine looking sex doll which comes complete with realistic feeling skin and authentic looking eyes.

Orient Industry say their new range of dolls, made from high quality silicon, are so realistic there is very little to distinguish them from a real girlfriend at first glance.

The dolls, which are non inflatable, are sold under the name ‘Dutch Wives’, a Japanese term for a sex doll, and adverts in the media boast that anyone who buys one will never want a real girlfriend again. 

The dolls are part of a high-tech industry in Japan, which is constantly looking at ways to make sex toys as realistic as possible.

Latest models of the dolls include movable joints so buyers can place them in any position they wish.

Cutting edge comment from me:

Of course this will not help Joe Hockeys “poor people” what cant even afford to buy petrol letalone a Japanese sex doll for $2000 grand and a bit.

These dolls are only for rich people (like Joe) who can get a whole harem and claim it on tax.

Dont worry “poor people” you just need to wait until the Chinese put out a cheaper copycat version.

Or ……..

Cutting edge comment #2 (and advertisment)

* My real life living doll Laura should not be mistaken for Cliff Richards ‘Living Doll’.

To start with mine is female.

And overage.

And I have a n interim offer for all you sex starved guys in Joes “poor people” class.

Why pay $2000 grand and a bit for a freakin’ silicon doll when you can have Laura f*cks  for just $10 bucks?

laurahall3 

Okay shes no oil painting but at least she moves.

Site 33 BlueGums. Appointments not required. Just wait in the que.

“I think the studies, and I think they date back from the 1950s, assert that Eric Abetz is still living in them”

(by SockPuppet ~ a real 70s guy when chicks and booze were cheap)

“I am a double dickhead from Tasmania”

 I dunno about you but I bet that Senator Eric A Bet was having a bet eachway when he tryed hard to get out of what he said on Channel Gen Ys cutting edge The Project show last night:

‘I was cut off’: Eric Abetz blames Mia Freedman for reports he linked abortion to breast cancer on The Project

 “I think the studies, and I think they date back from the 1950s, assert that there is a link between abortion and breast cancer.”

Now yous on the far right wing side where Eddie ‘I bet’ Abetz sits too will no doubt sprung to his defences position no doubt you will.

And yous on the left side of the far right wing will just say:

“Hes a dickhead from Tasmania”

which would then actuallymakes him a double dickhead because Tasmanians have Two heads.

(studies from the 1950s say so).

I on the other hand I am above politics and like the Buddha Zen deity I say this:

I think my post heading sort of says itall.

Comment away (God f*cken knows we need it)

.

Twitter does not seem to be a very good idea

(by SockPuppet ~ not a Twit)

 

“The problem is (IMO) many homos make their sexuality a defining aspect of their being.’’

With that tweet the political career of wannabe Victorian Liberal MP Aaron Lane  looks like ending before it even got really started:

Mr Lane has been called into Liberal headquarters for a “please explain” on that and a series of other “crude” posts on Twitter.

And the Victorian Liberal Premier Dennis ‘Doctor (of Veterinary Science)’ Napthine has said,

“I believe that it’s time for Mr Lane to step down.’’

In other tweets Lane:

  • Referred to former speaker Peter Slipper as “a giant C”
  • Called former Labor Minister Simon Crean “a big C’’
  • Said that “shirts are for faggots’’

Let this be a lesson to all you Twitterers out there:

NEVER.

TELL.

THE. TRUTH.

ON. TWITTER

.

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