(by SockPuppet – not a metrosexual soccer player like Beckham)
It’s Bogan Baby-Making round
I dunno why we ever had a baby bonus in the first place. This was babyfaced Liberal Treasurar Pete Costellos only contribution to society in his whole time in Parliament – getting 16 year old bogan girls out of school and into Harvey Norman looking for Plasma TVs. If you thought Labor wasted money handing out stimulus cheques of $900 then what about the waste caused by smarmy Pete? Not to mention the type of stimulation he caused in young unmarried girls.
But Wayne swans budget this week brings an end to Costellos $5000 baby bonus but not until the 1st of March next year. This clever trick is designed to get all would-be-parents on the job to get up the duff this week to make sure there kid pops out with a bag full of money.
The implacatins of this political cost saving move are already being felt. And I am not just talkin about at the chemist who are no longer able to shift condoms.
I am talkin about Down the pub where-By blokes like me are now getting prepositioned by all manner of single young bogan females looking to cash in before the dead line.
I have made several agreements based on a 50/50 share of the five grand.
You lot should get in on this scheme before its too late. These chicks dont even care what you look like. I recommend The Burvale or the Ferntree Gully hotels as the best places to advertise your rentadick.
And Its very bad news for the AFL especially Collingwood who are expecting record low crowds over the weekend as 90% of there bogan feral fans will be too busy (and too stuffed) to go to the game.
See I knew i could tie this back into the footy – its called a sedge way. Here are my tips:
West Coast v North Melbourne: This has been billed as the clash of the big black Fijian Nic Knackersnewie from West Coast Coast and the big black Sudanease player Magic Door from North. Magic has only played 4 games and Knackersnewie is a proven star so I will go for the Eagles.
Essendon v Brisbane: The bombers will not even need to cheat to win this one.
Hawthorn v Greater western sydney: Put your money on a record score.
Gold Coast v Western Footscray: Beating Melbourne in Melbourne last week was like a premiership for the GC but There is no way they can win two-in-a-row.
Collingwood v Geelong: Half of the Collingwood team has been out all week shagging bogan girls so they will be too rooted to play. But Geelong players are gays so they will be fresh.
Sydney v Fremantle: I could go either way here. Like Adam Goodes does.
Carlton v Port Adelaide: I am tempted to tip the upset here but it is in Emirates stadium in Melbourne under a roof.
Richmond v Melbourne: Look if anyone is capable of losing the unloseable it is Richmond but I think they will just scrape in. How come Melbourne is still in the AFL?
Adelaide v St Kilda: I am not prepared to go against Rays orders.
I have to go now – I hav another appointment with someone called Cheyarne from Cranbourne South.