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AFL round 7 (2013) ‘expert’ tips

(by Sockpuppet)

After last weeks raging success its a wonder I am still doing this. Let me explain something for the unAFLtipseducated:

The AFL has a habit – a very annoying habit – of giving names to some of its rounds. Youknow stuff like ‘Indigenus Round’, ‘Heritage Round’ and ‘Rivalry Round’. Real clever names like that.

So in the spirit of mockery I like to give every round a name of my owen. Last weeks was ‘Elephant in the room’ round in lew of Essendon being the drugcheating elephant-in-the-room that no one wants to admit exists. Its just all too hard for the AFL.

This week I am inspired by The worlds best newspaper (in there opinion) to dedicate the name of the round to the only place in Paul Keatingss ‘arse end of the world’ worth living in – V.I.C.T.O.R.I.A. And Dont blame me for that opinion – I am just the messenger.

The story starts here.

Or there.

On the next line.

After the dots.




It’s ‘Latte State’ round

I have said it before and I will say it again but I dont need to say it again because in todays Age (a Melbourne paper that is over-the-heads of people living in other States) has said it all for me in there groundbreaking article – Welcome to Victoria, the progressive state :

Politically, socially and culturally, Victorians are a breed apart from other Australians. Parochialism aside, Melbourne isn’t some backwater; it’s Australia’s fastest growing city and, by some accounts, will be its largest in a little over a decade.

I could not agree more. Victoria is The Garden State, On The Move, The Place To Be and whatever the next car rego plate says we are. Look at the other states (if you must and if you can stand to) – Sydneysiders are loudmouthed and have no manners or taste, Queenslanders are a bit slow onthe uptake, Tasmanians are inbred, South Australians have inferiority complexes (for good reasons) and over in West Australia they are just gungho bogan cowboys. As for the territories well please do we really need to explain that Canberra is full of lazy up themself public servants and politicians? And that Darwin is just a refuge for those on the run from the law? Of course not.

So what do we put our superiorness down to? This is what TheAge says about Victoria’s betterness (I have bolded the main points for the dimwits from other states):

So what’s going on? It seems that if you are a conservative in Victoria, you’re probably more a small-l liberal than a turn-back-the-boats sort. When he became premier, Ted Baillieu was under pressure to scrap the Human Rights Charter – loathed by the far right as the epitome of legislative evil – but he decided to keep it.

Jeff Kennett, for all his bluster, condemned the racial policies of Pauline Hanson in the late-1990s with more force than any other politician, and now spends some of his days campaigning against discrimination against gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and intersex people. Victoria may have been once dubbed the jewel in the Liberal Party crown, but the last prime minister we produced – Malcolm Fraser – quit the party in dismay over what he saw was its shift to the right.

Maybe it’s the weather. Maybe it’s the union presence. Maybe it’s the waves of successful migration. One guess is that it goes back to the Labor reforms of the early 1970s, out of which emerged a non-threatening, middle-of-the-road party, appealing to moderate Victorians.

It’s there wherever you look. Sydney radio presenter Alan Jones appears ridiculous to Melburnians. We just don’t like that kind of talk. Most Australians support gay marriage, but nowhere more strongly than in Victoria. At the republic referendum in 1999, the state with the highest ”yes” vote was Victoria.

”Left” and ”right” are tired terms that can’t pick up the nuance of people’s views, the genuine difference of opinion, the greys in any argument. But we Victorians are generally socially progressive, supportive of multiculturalism, wary of extremes of any kind.

Well yeah there is something in all that I suppose. Then again we have more than our fare share of bogans in places like Dandenong, Moe, Shepparton, Frankston, Geelong West, Craigieburn, Cranbourne South and in fact the entire Western Suburbs. There are even some bogans in Patterson Lakes but only at the caravan park where I live (we keep them on the west boundary) but the thing is that we have so many smart and better people that our average IQ and coolness outweighs all that and still puts us streets ahead of all other states.

And then of course there is another reason for Vic being “it”.

The thing The age overlooked.

I hate to state the bloody obvious but I will state it:

Melbourne is the birthplace and the heartland of AFL footy

And that says it all.

And on that note here are the tips for Latte State round:

Geelong v Essendon: There playing for the Danks Drugcheaters Cup. Geelong will win because they have been taking peptides for a longer time than Essendon … and they have 3 recent premierships to prove it.

Port Adelaide v Richmond: Despite there inferiorness the Port bogans will beat the Richmond bogans easily.

Brisbane v West Coast: Hayseeds v Cowboys – who cares?

Western Footscray Bulldogs v North Melbourne: The suburb of Footscray should be bulldozed and made into a carpark. That would clear up the drug problem over there.

Hawthorn v Sydney: Grand final replay. Or battle of the fuglies? Sydney still has the Goodes.

Fremantle v Collingwood: A toss up but I will go for the purple haze.

Greater Western Sydney v Adelaide: This is another ‘whocares’ game. And if GWS are really from western Sydney why arent there any muslims in there side?

Melbourne v Gold Coast: Its mothers day – no one will turn up.

St Kilda v Carlton: The Sainters are due … and Ray will disown me if I dont pick them.

Dont all rush in at once with your comments. Here are some more tips:

Queenslanders – take your time.

Syndneyysiders – try to be polite.

Taswegians – oh, you dont have the Internet?

Croweaters – go on dont be scared.

Western Aussies – get over yourselfs.

That is all.


  1. GD says:

    Does the AFL have Kiss Cam?

  2. SockPuppet says:

    Victorians are too classy to adopt those OTT american gimmicks gigguy. We dont need gimmicks to promote our game it promotes itself. Sydney on the other hand (the one thats not between there legs) needs all the help it can get to promote meathead rugby. I suggest wank cam. You know, put the camera on someone in the crowd playing with it. Plenty to pick from.

  3. SockPuppet says:

    Geelong wins the Danks Drugcheater Cup over Essendon. This does not let essendon off the hook though. Sock 1 from 1.

  4. GD says:

    Maybe it’s the weather. Maybe it’s the union presence. Maybe it’s the waves of successful migration. One guess is that it goes back to the Labor reforms of the early 1970s, out of which emerged a non-threatening, middle-of-the-road party, appealing to moderate Victorians.

    Huh? The weather? Four seasons in one day in Melbourne if I recall. Successful migration? Well, the Age is correct there. Victorians have been heading for the sun for many years. “Take Me To The April Sun in Queensland” was a big hit back in the day.

    Or did they mean ”immigration”? Well on that count the last wave of successful immigration was the one that helped build the Snowy River Scheme. Since then Australia has thrown the dice as to whether immigrants are benefitting the nation. Sometimes we win, other times our welfare bill goes up supporting people who don’t want to assimilate but at the same time demand all the benefits and entitlements of being an Australian.

    Maybe it’s the union presence

    Read and weep

    Gillard’s party is too enthralled to the trade unions, old-fashioned labourism, class warfare, hostility to business, internal patronage and excessive regulation.

    Then this denial of reality:

    the Labor reforms of the early 1970s, out of which emerged a non-threatening, middle-of-the-road party, appealing to moderate Victorians

    This sounds like the ABC purporting to take the middle ground. Unfortunately for both the ABC and the Age the ‘middle ground’ is somewhere between the Greens and Labor. The Age and the ABC prefer to ignore the other 56% of the population.

    It’s no wonder then that Fairfax shares are in the toilet. With tosh like this article being served up daily, readers have no options other than to go online or buy News Ltd papers.

    Fun Facts: Murdoch owns 35% of newspapers in Australia, but has a readership of over 70%.

    But wait there is more.

    Apparently the Age can’t avoid shooting itself in the foot.

    ”Left” and ”right” are tired terms that can’t pick up the nuance of people’s views, the genuine difference of opinion, the greys in any argument. But we Victorians are generally socially progressive, supportive of multiculturalism, wary of extremes of any kind.

    …while blocking out any other viewpoint

  5. SockPuppet says:

    Well you just come unstuck with your last line of “while blocking out any other viewpoint” Gig Guy. Plenty of redneck views get expressed down here (and in here like yours did).

    And didnt you know our weather has improved alot since they started heating the world up? Caseinpoint it has been a beautiful 25 degrees everyday this week in sunny Melbourne. Laura is waking around the park in her bikinis as I speak.

    And Vic now gets more tourists than any other State and more people migrating from other States. Your living in the past if you think Vics go north anymore – other way around mate.

    How is Western Sydney going?

  6. GD says:

    Well you just come unstuck with your last line of “while blocking out any other viewpoint”

    Try and keep up, Socky. I wasn’t talking about views expressed at the pub, or on the street, or on Iain’s Queensland Sandpit blog, I was referring to the lack of balanced content on the dismally failing Age newspaper.

    As for Vic getting more tourists, well I may have to concede that one. It seems people are flocking to Victoria to see the bushfire damage. Hopefully that’s not a sustainable tourist attraction. Read the article.

    However the article also points out that NSW is still the preferred tourist state.

    I can understand that. Here in the Western Suburbs we are already experiencing the benefits of global warming. People from hotter climes are moving here in great numbers. Apparently the higher temperature makes them feel at home, or perhaps it’s the welfare cheque they get each fortnight.

    Speaking of benefits, the Department of Education no longer has to spend money on English lessons in Western Suburb schools as the predominant languages are now Arabic and Hindi.

    However, it’s a win-win situation. People in other parts of Sydney who were previously unable to afford an overseas holiday can now simply hop on a bus, cross the Great Divide, ie George Street, and visit Tehran, New Dehli or Mecca. With a bit of luck they’ll be home in a couple of days.

    Not because the Western Suburbs are dangerous, but because Sydney buses are so unreliable.

    Boom-tish 🙂

  7. SockPuppet says:

    Yeah Gig Guy The Age doesnt have much redneck news innit like the Hun does. They should get Andrew Bolt to run the Age for Gina dont you think? He doesnt.

    And you are the one who needs to “keep up” because that article you demanded I read is 4 years old and the information out of date. Vic tourists have doubled since then.

    Anyhow I am glad to hear the muslimisation of western Sydney is working out for you. Have you found any terrorists yet?

  8. SockPuppet says:

    Oh and people dont come here just to see “bushfire damage”. The disaster tourists all go to Japan to see the Fukushima nuclear mess. And to Christs Church in New Zealand.

  9. Does the Age possess the self-awareness to know that most of Australia doesn’t even realise Victoria exsists?
    Victoria is an interesting place (especially the parts that are not Melbourne) but it is nothing like Australia.

  10. SockPuppet says:

    Steve I think you spend too much time at the pub. You say “most of Australia doesn’t even realise Victoria exsists”. Well I think it might be a little better known than you think mate.

    But you are right when you say “it is nothing like (the rest of) Australia” … and we fank f*ck for that everyday mate.

    Cheers and have another beer.

  11. GD says:

    Victoria is an interesting place (especially the parts that are not Melbourne) but it is nothing like Australia.

    So true, Steve..

  12. Richard Ryan says:

    “Gig Guy” I like it!

  13. Ah Victoria, state without an outback. They don’t have the very essence of being Australian.
    The word “Victorian” (as in, she/he is a Victorian) is a term of derision in the common vernacular of much of the nation. There is a reason for this. Not just for the simple fact that Victorians can’t drive, nor because they are unable to conceptualise distance.

    Victoria, culturally it isn’t Australian.

  14. Iain Hall says:

    I can dig that Steve 😉

  15. SockPuppet says:

    “Ah Victoria, state without an outback”

    Like people living in Sydney have an outback Steve? You reckon? Well if they go way over to Burke they might find one.What about Tassie – they got any desert? And you havent heard of the Mallee and the Little Desert in Vic? You need to travel more Steve.

    “They don’t have the very essence of being Australian.”

    Not if that “essence” is smelly armpits desert outback style I guess. If using underarm and washing is “unAustralianess” we plead guilty.

    “The word “Victorian” (as in, she/he is a Victorian) is a term of derision in the common vernacular of much of the nation”

    Guess what Steve? Five and a half million “Victorians” dont care what you and the rest say about us.

    “Not just for the simple fact that Victorians can’t drive, nor because they are unable to conceptualise distance”

    Has You ever been in Sydney or Brisbane traffice Steve? Talk about not being able to drive. and What is “conceptualise distance” mean Steve? That You can “contraception” yourself on the bloody Nullabor? Not much else to do out there but why use a franger?

    “Victoria, culturally it isn’t Australian”

    For a bloke who sees the country mostly from the inside of a XXXX glass in a Queensland pub Steve you got a strange view of our culture. Hey, Vic is the home of our true AFL culture – i suppose you prefer rugby an english game?

  16. Tsk tsk tsk, it seems someone is a touch “sensitive” about Victoria not having an outback. Hard cheese old top. It seems you have the typical Victorian lack of self-awareness.
    From the intemperate language, quite possibly typing whilst on the turps, not a good combination.

    News bulletin: “Victoria” is not synonymous with “Australia”, it is something completely & totally different. The place could be cut off with a big chainsaw & towed out to see (perhaps given to New Zealand) and nobody in Australia would even notice.

    Something you’ll just have to deal with.

  17. SockPuppet says:

    I am sorry Steve if you think that “bloody” and “franger” are “intemperate language”. All I can say to that is : harden up.

    So you think outback Queensland – redneck teritory – is “synonymous with “Australia”, huh? Here is some news for you: About 80% of aussies do not live in the freakin’ outback, they live in cities, on the coast in places like Brisbane Sydney and yes even Melbourne. Your outback buddies living in the desert represent a small minority but somehow you claim they are the only true “Australians”. You need to get out more Steve.

  18. 80% of Aussies are softcocks? This is hardly news.
    By the way, we are definitely dealing with someone with the intellect of a Victorian, believing “outback” and “desert” have the same meaning.

    I suppose this is an inevitable outcome of coming from a softcock state that doesn’t have an outback, where people believe Wodonga is a “long way” from Melbourne. Bwahahaha…… listen to the loser bleat!

  19. SockPuppet says:

    So the 80% of Aussies who dont live in places like the backblocks of rural Queensland like you do Steve are just “softcocks”. What, do you all get around with hardons there? I guess thats what happens when you cant take your hand off it. Good to see you not using “intemperate language” and insults though – that would mean you lost the plot and argument.

  20. SockPuppet says:

    Update: Sock tipping results for Rd 7 = 6 winners out of 9. Lucky for me I took Rays advice and picked the Saints against all the odds. He know his footy.

  21. tsk tsk tsk, being known for producing little more than spivs and pretetious twats must be quite a grate on any Victorian with any self-awareness.
    A string of loopy joke Premiers, a nation that doesn’t even have Victoria on a road map, and a world of tourists who can’t name a single Victorian tourist attraction, and a reputation as the “rustbelt” state, hardly an asset to the nation!

  22. SockPuppet says:

    Loopy Premiers eh? Well you are right about “softcock” Ted Bailyou but at least he could fill a pair of speedos mate. Of course there was nothing “loopy” about Joh B-joke Peterson was there? Perfectly bloody sane wasnt he? I suppose you think Bob Katter is a genius too?

    And you need to update your Melways Steve cos I think Vic might just be on the roadmaps now. BTW You got any bitumen up your way yet?

    And yeah, no (man made) tourist attractions to speak of but Vic still gets more tourists than QLD. Go figure. Thatd be because we have whats called natural attractions – you know things like mountains, clean beaches, forests and green pastures. I guess tourists prefer that to dustbowls mate. Of course in QLD you got the 0-s0-nice Gold Coast and its o-so-tasteful man made natural wonders like Dreamworld, Wet ‘n wild and Movieland. You guys have such good taste up there – how are the peanuts going this year?

  23. Joh Bjelke-Petersen kep the bills paid, people in jobs, ran free hospitals, elimated taxes, believed politicians financial perks were a “rort” and caused a mass of people moving to Qld. Your complaint about him is what exactly?

    If you think Bob Katter is not a genius, please state why.

    My dictionary does not have the word “Melways”. Please translate into English (the language of Australia). I can’t help you if you speak in dialect.

    If you are going to refer to the gold coast as part of Queensland we will no longer be friends. It isn’t even in the consciousness of Qld’ers. Nor does it deserve to be. If anywhere in this country has a more unsavoury reputation than Victoria for producing spivs & conmen, it is the gold coast. It ain’t part of Qld, full stop.

    Everything has an anus. gold coast is Qld’s. Sort of like Melbourne is Victoria’s (and Australia’s, if one likens the map to an anatomical chart).

  24. Iain Hall says:

    As a Queenslander I have to agree with you Steve that the Gold Coast is an embarrassment of epic proportions its crass shallow and a terrible example the triumph of ersatz style over any good sense, yet the Mexicans love it, Go figure.

    PS the “melways” is the Melbourne street directory

  25. SockPuppet says:

    To start with Stevo [I will cleverly save the best retaught of your Joh fan club cheering to last here btw] only about 20% of your fellow Queenslanders ever voted for Joh ‘Gerry Mander is my best friend’ B-Joke Petrsham. The rest of Oz reckon he was loony tunes and a corrupt politician big-time. So did a bloke called Fitz-Gerald-Neatly. So that kinda puts you in a pretty small minority of ‘Joh-was-a-great-guy’ believers. But from your opinions to date I am not surprised the Kingaroy peanut grower is your pin-up boy.

    And Bob Katter threw rotten eggs at The Beatles and until recently said there were no “faggots” in QLD, even though his own brother is openly gay. Poor old Bob could never work out why his bro spoke that way I guess. Enough said about his IQ.

    Melways also produces maps of Australia and even Queensland. You should get one cos yours seems out of date.

    Now I will come back to your Joh-loving with your comment on the Gold Coast.

    I am sorry to inform you of some sailient (or sorbent) facts about the Gold Coast you disown but it is indeedy-do “part of Queensland” and the home to about 750,000 of you.

    Now as You have already put down Brisbanites as “softcocks” for living in a city near the coast and now you put down your own major tourist destination and 2nd biggest population area in the Gold Coast which does not exactly leave a lot of Queenslanders left over to support your theory that ‘Queensland rocks and Victoria sucks’ does it?

    Like it or not Gold Coast is yours. You own it. And before you say its full of ex Vics I would not only beg to differ I would also beg to point out to you that the Gold Coast mainly become as big and crass as it is today due to the efforts of two people. Do you know who they are?

    Well one is the ex Gold Coast Mayor Sir Bruce Smallcock who built up its reputation.

    And the other is your pin up pollie Joh Blow Peterman who let all the developers in (provided they gave him a ‘brown paper bag’).

    I dunno if you are uptodate with social media talk Stevo (well obviously not) but in terms of blogspeak you have just been what is called royally pwned.

    By your own words.

    Have a nice day serving Yalumba wines to the shooters.

  26. Keep in mind that the gold coast is a bloody sight closer to you than it is to me.
    Royally Pwned? Talking like a kid? (definitely Victorian)

    By the way, a quick google search of “Melway” brings up the result that it is a company that produces a street directory of Melbourne. (A touch parochial there eh?) It is totally & completely unknown in Australia.

    The opinion of Tony Fitzgerald (or should that be Gerald Fitztony?) is irrelevant. He was a biased, innaccurate partisan hack, whose only achievement was to discover that not only were there some coppers on the take, there was also hookers, card games, and SP bookies in Brisbane.

    Sir Johannes Bjelke-Petersen had everything the government could throw at him, thrown at him. They came up no trumps. You’ll just have to deal with that when smearing his name. He ran the state well. You could “retaught” by explaining just when it was that Victoria ran free hospitals….?

    gold coast may or may not be full of Victorians, who’d ever know? One can travel & work the length & breadth of this great state for years and not meet anyone from the gold coast, or a Victorian. Something you’ll just have to cope with. Any Victorians who’ve moved to Qld have moved only to softcock locations. The state was built by people who were former New South Welshmen or former South Australians. There is little to no Victorian invovlement. Something you’ll just have to deal with. (Victorians weren’t up to the task).

    You may sling off at Bob Katter all you like. He’s arguably the most intelligent sitting member in Federal Parliament. (And he’s not even the most eccentric!) Comparing him to the list of Victorian contributions to the current parliament leaves Qld looking very very very good.

    Victoria isn’t known as the softcock state without very good reason.

    Something you’ll just have to live with. (Or perhaps vote in federal politicians who are not an international embarrassment – good luck with that).

    You may wish to check facts. It is Bob Katter’s half-brother who is the homosexual, not his brother. (Sneer at the distinction at your own risk, a Melbourne Lawyer will appraise you of the liability aspects of your statement).

    By the way it was a lot more than 20% of Qlder’s who voted for the National Party led by Joh, and one fact you’ll have to live with is the number was always more than voted for any other party.

    Your comment seems to also display ignorance (you really do display a typical Victorian’s ignorance of most all things Australian) of the fact that gerrymander in Queensland was a Labor Party idea, implemented by the Labor Party. Something you’ll have to deal with.

    On top of everything else, Victoria is a “taker” state (along with NSW) while Qld & WA are “prodcuer-giver” states.

    All Victoria does is provide (not as well as Sydney) financial services to WA & Qld, a task that when the chips are down, could be done just as well – only cheaper – by Singapore.

    All in all, Victoria is a bludger on the economy of Australia. We really should present it to NZ or Norfolk Island, or somewhere.

  27. SockPuppet says:

    So any part of Qld near the coast or another state is not part of Queensland Stevo? GoldCoast is only in the southeast corner and borders NSW and is closer to Vic than far north Qld so its not really in your state and not your problem eh? Thats like sayin the dungheap in the far corner of your backyard is closer to your neighbours house so its really his fault and his problem so he can clean it up.

    You have a strange way of arguing Stevo – it sort of goes like this:

    I am right and everyone else is a “softcock” because Im from a pub in the outback of rural Qld somewhere so, guess what, I know everything.

    Good one mate. Btw “pwn” is an adult term – kids would not know what it meant.

    And when you add

    “Something you’ll just have to cope with” and
    “Something you’ll just have to deal with” etc

    to the end of your assertions and arguments it does not make what you just said any more correct. It just sounds arrogant mate. Oh well it must be an outback chip-on-the-shoulder thing I guess.

    AS for Melways you are just proving you either do not know how to use your computer research or again you are using your argument of “I am always right”. Did you go to the Melways site and read anything? Melways does not only make Melbourne street directories it makes Sydways and Brisways which includes maps of the whole states. They also make maps of all of Australia. Like this one:


    I know its not in your makeup but you can conceed now that you were wrong about my refarence to Melways maps of Australia. I will even write it for you so you can just copy & past it to your next comment:

    “Dear SockPuppet, I am sorry, you were right about Melways making maps of all Australia and I was wrong”.

    There it’s not hard to say is it?

    Moving along, your defence and loving admoration of Joh ‘not-a-crook’ Beyelkie Petershank and Bob ‘Einstein’ Katter is not shared by 80 % of Aussies but what would those “softcocks” know anyway? What would anyone not from the outback know? Bugger all of course.

    But I did not say Gerry Mander was a National Party member. What does it matter which party he belonged to or originated from? Gerry was still Johs best friend or bum-buddy and he used him to stay in government for 20 years.

    Here is some news for you about Victoria mate – we produce plenty of stuff in factories. More manufacturing here than in Qld. We produce our own electricity too and we produce a lot of food – yes we do have farms and even beef cattle.

    You seem to have one mighty big hate thing going on with not only Victoria but with, well, with 80% of other Aussies and probably more. You know with the “softcocks”.

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