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It Must Have Been the Cupcakes…


It would have been their first ever seat in the Victorian State Legislature. After all, Adam Bandt won a Federal seat in the same electorate. I’m talking about the by-election for the Victorian state seat of Melbourne.

It’ll be cupcakes for everyone

You couldn’t get more Green than that, home territory, and to boot the Libs weren’t even standing a candidate.

So what went wrong?

Could it be that the Greens’ irresponsible environmental policies, their hopelessly inept economic ideas and their socialist totalitarian outlook on Australian life turned people off?

I don’t think so. I reckon it was the invite to the after-party. Thanks to insiders, I’ve been able to get a glimpse at their ‘party-planner’.

According to the running sheet, the aim is “to provide a celebratory event that shall provide a unique occasion to celebrate the finale of the Melbourne seat by-election 2012. It will provide an ethical and sustainable event that will reflect the morale’s (sic) and policies of the Greens of all ages.”

But wait, it gets better!

The speech will “welcome crowd (and provide) encouragement to celebrate the hard work on the campaign trail … eat, drink, be merry etc.)

Sounds good to me, maybe I should have voted Green. But then….

A speech will be made at 8pm, as results start to become clearer, before cupcake time at 8:15pm.

And there you have it fellow political aficionados, it wasn’t the Greens’ woeful policies, their pie-in-the-sky ‘feel good’ ideals, or their evil communist leanings, it was simply the fact that if their idea of a victory party includes cupcakes, then we are all better off without them.

Congrats to Labor!


While the Greens have refused to concede defeat, it is obvious that Labor has won the seat. Cupcakes aside, there is another reason why the Greens didn’t gain enough votes: most of their supporters are too young to vote.

Labor, on the other hand, appeals to a broader church. Note winning Labor candidate, Jennifer Kanis enjoying a latte, while state Labor leader Daniel Andrews reaches for a beer.

Thankfully the adults are in charge.



  1. Iain Hall says:

    It may surprise some regular readers but I too am glad that the ALP look likely to retain this seat, they are after all a far lesser evil than the Greens.

  2. Ray Dixon says:

    cupcake time ??

    F*ck me dead. That says it all about the Greens.

    On a more serious note, the reason that the ALP won is because down here in Victoria we’re a bit classier than the rest of Australia and can spot an empty vessel at 100 paces. And there’s no one more emptyheaded than the Greens. Well done to Opposition Leader Daniel Andrews (or is it Andrew Daniels?) for calmly pointing out how a vote for the Greens was a vote for failure and nothingness. And he did it without all the nasty stuff. If only Federal Labor were more like the Vic ALP they wouldn’t be in such a mess.

    And Baillieu is a one-termer for sure.

  3. deknarf says:

    I suspect that much of the Green vote (except for the extremist cup-cakes) comes from those disenchanted with the major parties who give their vote to Green with second preferences going elsewhere (eg their ultimately preferred party). Such voting frightens the hell out of the major parties. Where it’s only a one big horse race I suspect the voter goes Ooooooooh! Greens? Don’t think so, not as first preference anyhow.
    PS: The Greens are NOT Communists. Communists have a manifesto — Greens have many pesto! ;-0

  4. Iain Hall says:

    No deknarf
    the Greens don’t know how to make Pesto they only know how to buy it at inflated prices…
    I think that it is as a few of us expected that now that Bob brown has gone the remaining Greens scare more people than they attract, I even think that we may find that they have peaked and we are going to see them in serious decline now that the ALP have realised that it does them no favours to give them an easy run.

  5. GD says:

    Come to think of it, ‘cupcakes’ was probably code for Father Bob’s hash brownies. 🙂

  6. Ray Dixon says:

    If the Greens can’t win a seat in inner-city Melbourne, they won’t win one anywhere. Adam Bandt’s a one-termer too.

  7. Iain Hall says:

    On that we can agree ray 😉

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