This was posted as a comment by GD But I reckon that its a light that should not be hidden under a bushel so here for your enjoyment is the translation of Bob Brown’s resignation missive from Greenspeak to its true meaning:
Dear Green Fiends –
This morning I was forced to resign as Leader of the Australian Greens. I will leave the Senate in June when the Tasmanian Greens nominate a replacement Senator. This should have happened a lot sooner, like twenty years ago.
I wanted to immediately thank you for your support, enthusiasm and direct involvement in Green politics on my watch. I can never forget or adequately repay the millions of dollars I have been paid to present my destructive policies to the senate. Of course the Greens didn’t pay this, it was the poor, misguided taxpayer. I guess there are some good things about a democracy.
Our Greens Party Room now has a dearth of talent which stands out even in Canberra. There are 10 of us, but every one is true to the Greens Charter and policies, and working hard to take Australia back to the Stone Age. We are Australia’s party with blinkers.
I have been contemplating my navel, and the occasional comet, for some time. I started 10 turbulent years in the Tasmanian parliament beginning with the Franklin River blockade in 1983, and ending with the disastrous Labor-Green accord of 1989-92: witness Tasmania’s gradual decline economically as the Greens blocked the timber industry at every turn. Today the state is an economic basket-case dependent entirely on the other states for survival. Of course our ideal plan for Tasmania is to turn the whole island over to World Heritage as a national park.
Since then, there have been 12 exciting years in the Senate. We have managed to stop all dam building across the nation, thus exacerbating water shortages in times of drought and hindering water management in times of flood. Our destructive political action for the Murray-Darling Basin has forced many farmers off the land and into bankruptcy. We have solved the problems of funding a dental scheme and a disability insurance scheme: we will tax the rich more and more, even after they die. We’re pushing for the legalisation of euthanasia, as this will help a few of them die sooner.
It is now time for me to hand on leadership to the motley rabble I call my colleagues. I am, after all, 666. I want to leave the ship before it sinks, content that the Greens have managed to destroy Australia’s economy for years to come. I’m particularly proud of the carbon tax in this respect.
This morning Party Room unanimously elected Christine Milne as Leader. Christine has been my great colleague and friend for the past 25 years and she will be a frighteningly bad leader of the Australian Greens.
I am ready to enjoy the other green pursuits, such as flying around the Milky Way with my new alien friends. Yes Earthians, they did call!
The Greens are an illogical response to the post industrial age human community’s need to secure the biosphere, biodiversity, equal opportunity and long-term economic, employment and lifestyle security. Greens political philosophy will spread like a cancer, bulldozing away the rights of any individual.
The future is Red.
and Pickering reckons…
Mate this is fucking nonsense bob is nowhere near as red as the ACTUAL STALINIST LEE RHIANNON
Well written GD. You have a nice flair for writing. I agree with Ray’s suggestion that you would make a fine contributor to the Sandpit as a blogger.
Iain, you must be desperate letting G.D. do the comedy here, he is less funny than Ray, who, as ya know, is about as funny as a bad case of hemorrhoids. But I digress.
The Greens will still be around long after your good blog has run its course Iain so yuk it up whilst ya can. If you have around studying politics as long as you say you have, Well! What do they say? A week is a long time in politics. Gillard is going to be re-elected.
Please no spin, no long winded diatribe a little bet with me will be fine.
Given your long standing animosity to yours truly you must have been gutted when Ray and I killed a certain unmentionable blog stone dead
As I recently pointed out to one of your electric friends I am not a spiteful or vengeful man so I will show the world that I am a better man than you by allowing your comment (although you will not be let off the moderation lead )
Au Contraire the consensus here seems to be that GD’s efforts are clever, witty and very funny. Get with the program matey, Further a bad case of haemorrhoids could be absolutely hilarious if they are plaguing the right sphincter. For instance I find the notion that you yourself may spend his visits to the chemist desperately longing for a better treatment than a topical ointment absolutely hilarious but then I enjoy a bit of schadenfreude when it comes to certain individuals like you.
Matey the sad thing is that I think you actaully believe this attempt at positive thinking in the light of political disaster. However it is the good fortune of the nation that those who think like you are in an ever decreasing minority and that most of the feeble minded fools who endorse the Greens without question realise that Gillard is, in political terms Brown bread .
The trouble is you are anonymous here and I have absolutely no reason to think that you have enough honour for me to make a bet with you even though the thought of your ultimate humiliation does have some attraction you would have to prove your ability to keep your word and sadly I am sure that you lack the stones to do anything of the sort.
“Gillard is going to be re-elected.”
Sorry lynot but you immediately lost the debate as soon as you said that.
Lynot. Scumbag. Dirt. The next thing you say that is funny will be your first. And if you’re looking for humour you could always go back to your usual haunt @ whiny boy’s A.O.L. That’s a barrel of laughs. In fact you’ve got a real gall being here at all Lynot. Scumbag. Dirt.
Don’t hold back there Ray 😉
GD left this bit out of Bob’s background. His brush with fame . From the ABC Online:
He could have saved Hendrix! And he didn’t biff Burton when he had the chance. Failure.
Utter failure for sure!
Lynot would not find that funny. He’s probably never heard of Hendrix.
Actually Ray I exopect that someone like Lynot would be insisting that he taught Hendrix how to play Guitar…
Yes, the joys of being anonymous – you can make up your own background. Maybe he flys lear jets too?
I will have to forward the emails that a certain fly-boy has been sending me threatening me with the loss of my house if I mention his name. I have not had more laughs since well a certain blog was unceremoniously sent to the Google grinder.
That’d be Len Saxby, Iain? From
Flinders IslandGeelong. Ooooops … there goes the house.
Check your email Ray
Thanks Iain & GD
This is just pricelessly hilarious – although to be serious for a moment, there is nothing funny about the Greens in reality. Let’s hope, come 30 November 2013 when Julia calls the next election, they all get flushed away together.
I checked it, Iain, and I am surprised to find that I hadn’t received them before … seeing that, according to Sax, you are me. Someone’s been on the OuR MaFiA website buying ‘Shaman’s Dust’ by the look of it … ie flying ‘high’.
Your comemnts are welcome but you will have to do better than that mate, what do you think this place is?
I think Indii summed up the Greens and their policies quite succinctly 🙂
Good rindince to bad rubbish I say! Most Australians did not vote for this man to be our prime minister and yet he basically was out prime minister because we all know that JuLAIR just did whatever he said. Brilliantly summed up here by GD, he should seriously consider submitting this piece to a newspaper because it deserves a much wider audience.
seriously you lot are a bunch of red necked douche bags. because money is definitely more important than the earth. the end.
Sweetie you obviously don’t get the idea of satire now do you?
Another greenie who reckons money isn’t important, while funding their lifestyle and ideology using other people’s money.
Bob Brown is a legend, you my friend are a self-centred ignorant tool.