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Telling us how to get there

The art of being able to navigate your way to anywhere by using a map seems to be rapidly going the way of the dinosaurs. If you have a very modern car its likely that it will have some form of inbuilt SatNav and if you have an older model its almost as likely that you will have some sort of device hanging off your windscreen or dash. In keeping with my minimalist motoring Mantra I don’t personally have either but the report that Jeremy Clarkson is to be a voice of Tom Tom’s device does amuse me a great deal:

Click for source

Anyone have some suggestions as to who they think would make a good voice for a SatNav?
Just imagine some of our political leaders giving voice to these commanding black boxes…

Bob Brown would send you in ever decreasing circles as he insists that “You have to keep turning left, left LEFT!

Julia Gillard would have you doing U turn after U turn ans the voice alternates between “There will be no Carbon tax in the car that I lead” and telling you to “please pay carbon tax now…”

Tony Abbott would just have you heading to the lodge no matter what destination you choose or he would tell you to “Get out of the car and get on a bike after donning red budgie smugglers…”

Come to think about it I think that I will stick with my own sense of direction (which has thus  far served me well enough) or when I am unfamiliar with the route to my destination, a real  map printed on paper.

Cheers Comrades



  1. Angel says:

    The Chopper Reed voice has been around for a few years now, if you miss a turn off you get abuse.

    Bob Brown would have the car stop at the green light and admire it, can’t see the trip going far.

  2. Iain Hall says:

    A friend of mine has the Darth Vader voice on his Satnav Angel so when he is lost it tells him to “use the force” 😆

  3. Richard Ryan says:

    What about Alan Jones——–is this a cash for comment? FXXX OFF——–here is a hessian bag blah-blah-blah.

  4. Iain Hall says:

    Or how about one that has the voice of Andrew Bolt Richard ?
    That would be good for getting lefties onto public transport because they would want to crash thier own cars rather than follow any good advice form Andrew 😉

  5. Frances says:

    Hahahaha ROLFL

    I have Sat Nav in my Nokia mobile phone, I chose the female voice with an English accent, why isn’t there an Aussie voice? It is constantly wanting me to do a left turn or a u turn the first day I used it it demanded while I was on the Monash Freeway that I make a left turn at the next exit. The command to take the exit when there is none on the Monash has me in hysterics. Mind you one night I was following my daughter’s car out of the maze where she lives, and I lost sight of her car, so I was very grateful that I could turn on the Sat Nav and follow its very strange seemingly circular instructions, which did eventually get me out of the maze, and onto the road I needed to be on, to find my way home.

    Maybe we could all take up a donation and send Julia Gillard a Sat Nav so she can find her way out of that paper bag she seems to be stuck in. I think the voice of Bob Brown on hers should be avoided by her at all costs.

  6. Iain Hall says:

    😆 Francis 🙂

  7. Ray Dixon says:

    A voice with a st ….. st ….. st….. stutter would be my choice (as a gift).

  8. Angel says:

    Francis – Try the male voice with the American accent, much nicer.

  9. busby777 says:

    sat nav just gets you lost here in the mountains, but I would love to hear Clarkson’s voice when it talks to me

  10. busby777 says:

    maybe the voice of the latest Doctor Who (Matt Smith) would be nice

  11. Iain Hall says:

    Maybe a Dalek voice that tells you to “exterminate” when you see the police Tessa 😉

  12. busby777 says:


  13. Ray Dixon says:

    Hmm, an opening for Andy Blume perhaps? “Turn right at the next corner. I said turn f*cking right you d*ckhead.”

  14. Iain Hall says:

    Surely his instructions would be “stay on the bloody tram tracks you f*ckwit!!!”

  15. Angel says:

    The worst voice for a satnav – Darren Lockyer

  16. GD says:

    Paul Keating for a satnav? turn left you muesli chewing scumbag….

  17. Iain Hall says:

    How about Hawkie??
    aaahhh , errr anyone who does not make the turn is a bum!!!
    Or Gough
    Well may you say turn right but nothing will save that left turn…

  18. GD says:

    or the Ruddster ‘at the next circumventure, turn with detailed programmatic specificity in the forward direction acknowledged as being of requisite’

  19. GD says:

    Hawkie and Gough yeah… 🙂

  20. GD says:

    Mary Jo the Senator ‘at the next roundabout, exit without paying’

  21. Ray Dixon says:

    Or Sophie Mirabella: “Turn right into the next McDonald’s store. Or Eagle Boys on the left – I’m hungry”

  22. Iain Hall says:

    How about John Howard Tampa style?
    “we will decide who goes where and the way that they do so”

  23. busby777 says:

    you guys would probably enjoy hearing Rihanna

  24. GD says:

    Mary Jo ‘at the next roundabout put your left leg in and shake it all about’

  25. Iain Hall says:

    Feel free to drop some American names Tessa 😉
    I can imagine Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry mode:
    “did you make five turns or was it six?
    You have to ask your self are you feeling lucky PUNK?
    Come on, Make my day!

  26. busby777 says:

    my favorite voice, of course, is Sean Connery

  27. Iain Hall says:

    Yes he does have a lovely Scottish brogue… and despite his age still gets nominated as one of the world’s sexiest men.

  28. Ray Dixon says:

    Sophie: “At the next roadside stop pull over – you are banned from driving on the roads for the next 24 hours.”

  29. Frances says:

    I think for the most ‘authentic’ voice for the Sat Nav is definitely the Dalek. Now that one would scare any driver into obeying it. LOL Did anyone else hear about the elderly couple who were driving in Europe (I think it was in Germany, just imagine if their Sat Nav had a German accent) and they turned left and drove right into a church? “You VILL turn left here!”

  30. busby777 says:

    I can’t think of an American actor with a really good voice — Brits are at the forefront in my mind and memory

  31. busby777 says:

    Tom Jones: “It’s not unusual to turn right at any time”

  32. Iain Hall says:

    How about Don Adams in Maxwell Smart mode Tessa?

    You missed the turn off by that much…

  33. busby777 says:

    Iain, LOL! I’ll have to remember that next time I drive Highway 99

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