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Home » Blogging » If the ABC was Relevant (Part 44) (a John Clarke, Bryan Dawes skit)

If the ABC was Relevant (Part 44) (a John Clarke, Bryan Dawes skit)

Sax sent me this and I just happen to think that its brilliant in a way that John Clarke is so often brilliant:

(The  Customer)

[Scene: A car yard. BRYAN is perusing the stock.  He is approached by  JOHN]

John:  Morning! Looking for a new car?

Bryan:  Nope. Prime Minister, actually.

John:  You’re the third one this morning. Anything in  mind?

Bryan: You  know…….. nothing fancy, reliable, economical family model.  Something to get the country from A to B.

John: You  mean like a Howard?

Bryan:  Yeah….a little Johnny. Nothing flash, does the job. Low  maintenance, economical, sensible. Runs for years, no  troubles.

John:  So…. you used to have one?

Bryan:  Yeah. About 10 years. Great little model – don’t know why I got rid  of him – biggest mistake I’ve ever  made ….

John: What  happened?

Bryan:  Traded him in for a Kevin 07.

John: Big  mistake…

Bryan: Lot  of people bought it. Good political mileage.

John: How  was the Kevin 07?

Bryan:  Came with a $900 factory rebate – that was  good.

John:  Anything else?

Bryan: Not  much. Sounded nice but nothing under the bonnet. It was a  lemon.

John:  Didn’t stick around for long did it?

Bryan: Nah  – had a factory recall. Shipped overseas and was never seen  again.

John: What  was the problem?

Bryan:  Lots. But the final straw was the navigation system. Plug it in and it automatically loses its own way.

John:  Whatcha got now?

Bryan:  It’s a Gillard-Brown.

John: The  hybrid?

Bryan:  Yeah. The Eco-drive system – not a good idea. An engine that can’t deliver hooked up to a transmission stuck in permanent  reverse…

John:  Green paintwork with a red interior. And steering that always  lurches to the left for no apparent reason – that’s the  one?

Bryan: The Fustercluck model.

John: The only one they made, Bryan.  Not the vehicle of choice for the road to  recovery – but did they finish up fixing the navigation system?

Bryan:  Made it worse.  Turn it on and it does a press release, heads off in  all directions and goes nowhere.

John: So that’s why you’re here?

Bryan:  That’s right. I’m stuck with a government that’s wasteful,  expensive, ineffective and past its use by date.  I don’t suppose  you’ve heard of the “Cash for Clunkers” scheme?

John: Join  the queue brother.

Ah, the elegance of this satire just makes me thankful for the likes of John and Bryan, and terribly sad that they have such material to draw upon.
Cheers Comrades


  1. Ray Dixon says:

    The Fustercluck model.

    Meaning = ClusterF*ck


  2. Iain Hall says:

    It is very funny Ray ROTFLMO 😀

  3. Anonymous says:

    i wish clarke and dawes did it !

  4. The Other Iain says:

    It is very funny Ray ROTFLMO

    It’s also very fake, Clarke and Dawes did no such sketch.

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  6. Jazza says:

    Ah clever,dry and witty, but Methinks the real duo are too left orientated to be so honest in public!

  7. Iain Hall says:

    Even though I am a conservative I have a great deal of respect for Clarke and Dawe for the very reasons that you suggest Jazza, Welcome to the Sandpit BTW

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