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I am glad to be able to share with our readers the result of a leak from within the ALP of the New Again Dear Leader’s visionary plans to relocate our entire Air force to a brand new location with a new global mission. Today at the debate with Tony Abbott the New Again Dear Leader will be announcing that our primary air base will be the international space station which the New Again Dear Leader has agreed to buy at a minuscule Billion billion dollars. and to pay for this great leap forward the New Again Dear Leader will be instituting a new tax on orgasms made possible by the interactive possibilities of smart phone technology ,twitter and the NBN.
Find below an extract from a draft the New Again Dear Leader’s opening speech also leaked to the Sandpit:
Friends we face the great challenge of just how we can be a global player in the affairs of the world when we are so isolated in the southern hemisphere and all of the great theatres of war are in the north, So to answer this global challenge there can be only one way that we can have the correct technological specificity and ensure that we have the most certain suck of the sauce bottle we have to nationalise the international space station and make it the forward operating base for our aircraft. Of course Mister Abbott will tell you that this can not be done and that we as a nation can not afford the cost of such a scheme but what else would you expect from the man who has been so negative? He has no vision and no understanding of the greatness that the Australian Labor Party can bring to this nation of ours.
Further on in the speech he explains just how the orgasm tax will work:
Its is well known that we are a nation of innovators and that is why this new O-tax will be such a screaming success, by implanting a sub-dermal micro chip under the skin of every Australian and linking their output to the NBN we will be able to tell when every Australian experiences orgasm and they will then be charged the minuscule sum of $5.68. to incentivise the nation there will be a discount for those who orgasm with the greatest frequency, so with 24 million Aussies reaching a crescendo of pleasure, pulling for the nation so to speak, on a regular basis we will very quickly accumulate enough funds to fund both the purchase the space station and the supporting infrastructure .
Being a man of political balance I have of course sought out a response from the leader of the opposition and a spokesperson for Tony Abbott told me this over the phone:
“Rudd is just projecting his masturbation fantasies here mate just as he is about moving the Navy north its all a load of rubbish about buying the space station however I do think the orgasm tax is a dinkum Idea from the New Again Dear Leader and its designed to drain the funds from the Greens who we all know are the biggest mob of wankers in the country …”
So in the end this is obviously the sort of nonsense that we can expect form a desperate regime who know that they are beaten and will promise the country the skies themselves even though they know and we know that they know that they are incapable of delivering any of their ever more fanciful wild promises.
- Space station astronauts to be provided with 3-D printer to make parts (spacemart.com)
- The International Space Station Just Passed Directly Over California’s Wildfire (theatlantic.com)
- Hot in the kitchen for Rudd (iainhall.wordpress.com)
- GM, NASA take first steps toward Terminator bot (reviews.cnet.com)
- See the International Space Station pass over Alabama tonight (al.com)
- Space Station Transits Sun 08-17-2013 (jarphys.wordpress.com)
- The International Space Station Just Passed Directly Over California’s Wildfire (kielarowski.wordpress.com)
- Round three: Kevin Rudd and Tony Abbott to debate again on Wednesday (theguardian.com)
- It’s the Internet…stupid. Labor NBN vs Coalition luddites. (thenwhatarewefightingfor.wordpress.com)
- Labor’s National Broadband Network ad oversimplifies its benefits (abc.net.au)
As the chief cook and bottle washer here it pleases me no end to discover that our pollies can and do do their bit in their family kitchens, however the story about our New Again Dear Leader first “suspending” his campaigning due to the matters in Syria and then going off and spending time in Brisbane filming an episode of the Kitchen Cabinet with the lovely
In the first instance I find it rather a stretch to suggest that we have a horse in that quite despicable race in Syria. Assad is clearly a despicable despot but the Islamists on the other side are hardly any better so to be frank I think that rather than picking sides between two loathsome choices both the USA in particular and the west in general should just take a step back and let then kill each other until there are none of them left. Does that sound harsh and uncaring? Well I for one don’t think that in intervention of secular (or Christian) nations is going to solve or heal the endless feud between Sunni and Shia Islam and one thing that you can be sure of is that no matter who we choose (even the lesser of the evils if we can work who that is ) win or lose both sides will still hate us, better to let them kill each other and allow God to judge them in the next life. Anyway it is that cesspit of certain intervention disaster that our New Again Dear Leader wishes to involve himself and the nation. Even though he can’t solve the vexed issue of irregular boat arrivals he thinks that he might be able to solve the Syrian Civil war? Nah that is just bonkers its obvious to this sauce bottle shaker that our New Again Dear Leader just wanted a break from the endless failure of his campaigning. Who could blame him as he faces the clear reality that when he goes to press the flesh he is being heckled and jeered at by an electorate that has utterly lost faith in Labor? So by citing Syria our New Again Dear Leader has been able to avoid the voters for a day or so without appearing to be craven. It is however an excuse that will not last forever and at least it looks like our humiliation adverse New Again Dear Leader may be spared the ignoble fate of outliving his government as another survey finds him trailing in Griffith. Which makes me wonder if the electors in the Rudd Family might just be doing the right thing by their patriarch and voting for Bill Glasson to ensure a quick and smooth departure from politics for their New Again Dear Leader…
- PM denies delaying Syria talks for TV show (smh.com.au)
- Rudd and Abbott to appear on Annabel Crabb’s Kitchen Cabinet (mumbrella.com.au)
- Human rights groups estimates 322 people dead from alleged chemical attack in Syria; rebels blamed (vancouversun.com)
- PM rejects cooking show claims (bigpondnews.com)
- Annabel Crabb’s Kitchen Cabinet sees off Masterchef and Great Australian Bake Off in Tuesday’s ratings (mumbrella.com.au)
- Syrian victims of alleged gas attack smuggled to Jordan for blood tests (theguardian.com)
- Al-Qaida branch blames Hezbollah for Lebanese bombings (theguardian.com)
- False Flag Chemical Weapons Attack on Syria. Pretext for All Out War? (thedailysheeple.com)
I suspect that after a substantial part of his bid has been served that Bradley Manning may just wish that he had been convicted of the most serious charge so that he could have had the “green dream” or an appointment with a firing squad rather than spending the rest of his life within the walls of a military prison .
As the US military justice system is not so inclined to make sentences for multiple crimes run concurrently, choosing instead to make them cumulative its very likely that Manning will spend the rest of his life behind bars this is of course going to be a most timely reminder of the fate that awaits all traitors and oath breakers…
Now if only they could send in a Seal teem to liberate Julian Assange from tat embassy room in London they could have a nice show trial and then…
Cue:- Richard Ryan
There is no doubt in my mind, or the mind of other fair minded people who want justice to prevail over the rioters from Nauru that they do not need a legal process with all the bells and whistles for a just outcome to the process. Its not like a street riot where the participants could both arrive and disappear out of the general population the perps in this case were all from a confined population and they were definitively there and I have no doubt that there is video footage of the riots which will show who among the detainees was involved and once their involvement with the riot, in any measure, is established then they are all culpable for the damage that was done.
Our friends from the left are usually very keen to support collectivist ideals when it suits them but when the collective breaks the law they seem rather determined that every miscreant should be tried as an individual and able to tie up huge amounts of the court’s resources in a futile effort to argue “It wern’t me Guv“. Maybe* what we need is a few very public floggings of the ringleaders on Nauru to remind this cohort of mendicants that we don’t want import scum bags into our country, after all we have enough of our own here already chief among them the crew led by our New again Dear Leader…
Ray chided me yesterday because my re-blog of Yale’s post did not have the latest Rudd vid as prominent as he would have liked, well here we have four times the Rudd which should please my friend. To my mind the vid is a great example of the power of mockery and the truth that Anthony Ackroyd so well enunciates here is that our Brother Number One is ALL ego and that he thinks that its all about him. Frankly as we approach the two week anniversary of the end of Gillard we would be hard pressed to find a single viable policy that has been delivered by Rudd.
The sugar hit of the change is clearly evident in the Polls however sooner rather than later the country will have to have a shot of insulin and when it does I expect that the truth will dawn on the people that the big spoonful of sugar that Rudd is serving covers the very nasty medicine of Labor incompetence and stupidity over the last six years.
I am going to confound my critics by for once hoping that Labor wins a particular seat in the upcoming election. My reason is simple and strategic, I think that a Labor MP is infinitely preferable to a Greens MP and I am very glad to see that both Labor and the Liberals are going to put aside their ideological fealty to neutralise the Loopy Greens:
It will give me the greatest pleasure to see the Greens laid low at the next election no matter what else we are delivered in the counting.