Home » Blogging » Dear Green Fiends, an introduction to the leadership of the beloved leader, Christine Milne

Dear Green Fiends, an introduction to the leadership of the beloved leader, Christine Milne

Dear Green Fiends,

Today, we celebrate the extraordinary electoral confusion caused by Bob Brown, who last week was forced to leave our party room as his extra-terrestial comments were even too much for us.

Under Bob’s leadership, the Greens have grown from a small band of delusional people with one lone representative in the Senate into a party of zealots hell-bent on destroying our economy and reducing our living standards.

We have over 10,000 cultists and 1.7 million misinformed voters misrepresented by ten Feral MPs. These MPs are advocating for and delivering action to build a better future for all of us. All of us in the Greens Party Room, that is.

Bob’s sacking is both a moment for derision and celebration. It is also a gift to the party and an opportunity to stop pussy-footing around and get on with the real job: turning Australia into a socialist state, ready for inclusion into the coming world government.

Now is the time that demonstrates that the Greens Party has a far greater sum of loonies than other parts of the political spectrum.

I am honoured by the trust my Party Room colleagues have shown in me by electing me as the new Leader. I know it’s been said that I come across as a beady-eyed, whiny shrew, but really, would you prefer Sarah Hansen-Young leading the party? Or Lee Rhiannon? I am after all the experienced gardener, which makes me more than qualified to dictate national economic policy.

I am looking forward to working together with Adam Bandt, the new Deputy Leader, at least until he loses his seat at the next election, to ensure that these witches don’t get their green thumbs on my job.

This is an opportunity for all of us to think about how each and every one of us can advance green thinking, green policies and promote the Greens as the only party at the beginning of the 21st century which recognises that protecting the environment is far more important than feeding, clothing and providing a good quality of life for people everywhere.

It’s up to all of us.

There will be those – those who understand that the Greens are a rabble of fringe dwellers – who will use the opportunity of Bob’s forced retirement to try to destroy us. They will claim that the Greens are nothing without Bob. This is our moment – your moment – to demonstrate that the Greens represent hardly anybody in the cross section of Australian society, except those who support the politics of envy.

Joining or supporting the Greens is an ill-considered and misguided choice. We lack pragmatic convictions, instead we are tampering with the very bastions of society. The institution of marriage is on our hit-list. Gay marriage must be recognised and exulted above all other relationships. Freedom of speech is next, as recent court cases have shown. Only views that agree with the Greens will be allowed.

We are also working towards a zero carbon economy. We haven’t worked out how to make wind turbines without coal but the fairies at the bottom of the garden will no doubt take care of that. If it means turning the lights out, so be it. North Korea seems to be doing quite ok having Earth Hour all night, every night.

To that end, I’m asking each one of you today to stand up proudly as a Green and to candle-light up your networks with messages about why you’re a Green, how you became a Green, and how you can prevent others from making the same mistake.

Never before have we had such a critical moment that demonstrates that the Greens Party has a far greater sum of loonies than other parts of the political spectrum.

Yours in bewilderment and confusion,

Christine

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3 Comments

  1. busby777 says:

    It takes all kinds to make a world — sorry

  2. Ray Dixon says:

    Nice piece of parody, GD. Careful, the stalkers will be after you next!

  3. Leon Bertrand says:

    This commentary would probably be illegal if the Greens over got their way.

    I’m sure this blog would also be officially classified as “hate media” if Milne ever became PM.

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