The current delemma involving Alex (the fake scum) and his 70 odd boat peoples stuck on an Aussie ship off Indonesia, while they refuse to take them and KRudd refuses to let them have Christmas on Christmas Island, has given me a great idea of how to solve this ongoing problem and for everybodie to come out a winner – especially me.
Now I ask you, if you was a asylumn seeker trying to gain entry into Australia but you had no ways of getting here except by the ’scum of the earth’ peoples smugglers boats, what would youse rather be traveling in:
THIS:
OR THIS:
Well obversley you would rather fly in on a jumbo jet cos even though some times planes do crash, it is just a tad more comfortable and quicker and you can’t throw your kids overboard as the windows and doors are sealed. The only problem is in, er, getting one, and that is where I come in. I have a contact at Qantas who says I can charter a jumbo to fly from Indonesia to Australia for about $1 million, which I think is a pretty good deal when you realise that these boat peoples is paying up to $16,000 each for there passage on those leaky boats and would shorely be prepared to shell out the same to fly in on ‘Scum of the earth’ airlines. Now a normal jumbo can seat about 400 people but if you take the seats out and make them all stand up close to each other so they don’t fall over I think we could squeeze about 1,000 of them on board (there’s no problem with the weight cos they are all skinny and underfed).
So, 1,000 x $16,000 = $16 million, a profit of $15 million for me and the other investors prepared to underwrite this amazing enterprise and adventure. Them is some big bikkies and I have a foolproof plan to be sure that Mr Rudd has no choice but to let it land and take the plane peoples in as refugees. Here it is:
You see, I am not as dumb as I sound and I know that if you land at an international airport you are not actually in that country until you go thru customs and you can just be sent straight back where you came from cos you are in some no man’s land called ‘in transit’.
So what we do is we fly to Alice Springs which is not an international airport and has not got a ’no man’s land’ meaning once you touch down you are in Oz, full stop, and you would have to be processed as refugee.
As a neat trick we radio in, once we are approaching the Alice to tell the air traffic people we have only enough fuel to get to Alice and if they don’t let us land we are gunna crash and Mr Rudd will have 1,000 deaths on his hands.
What are they gunna do? Do you think they will send up a F111 and shoot us down? Do you think they will launch an exocet missile? Uh, uh. They will have no choice but to let ‘Scum of the earth’ land at Alice and unload its precious cargo of genuine and not genuine asylums alike, for processing. Of course we won’t let that fake dud Alex on board. He can stick to his leaky boats which we will make redundant.
So who is in for this amazing investment scheme that brings good outcomes and good rewards for everyone? We would only need to do this 3 or 4 times and then we would have enough money to move to New Zealand and buy all there homes and run the whole country. Of course we won’t let any boat or plane peoples land in NZ - we will shoot them.
UPDATE:
I forgot to add that I call this ‘The Alice Solution’.
Filed under: Air travel and safety, Australian Politics, Guest post, Indonesia, Scams | Tagged: alex, boat peoples, People smugglers, scum of the earth
I forgot to add that I call this ‘The Alice Solution’.
Or “Alice through the asylum glass”
Hate to dash your hopes SP, but I have two words for you
Indonesian Solution
Your plane would be refueled ok, but then escorted out of Australian airspace back, towards Indonesia, where the Australian taxpayer will fund your hotel bill, to the tune of $50m a year.
BTW ?
In Alice, you wouldnt be allowed to leave the plane. No transit lounge for you !
Len, we will just throw open all the escape chutes and they’ll all side out down them rubber slides within a few minutes. Once they’re on the ground what are they gunna do, herd ‘em back in? I have thought of these things and have a secret contingincy plan in case it backfires. I can’t say what it is but it involves disabling the jumbo.
With dirty jocks ?
Huh,? You are on the wrong thread Len. But okay, I will tell you how we disable the jet but you must promise not to tell anyone, alright? We leave white washing powder inside and tell them its anthrax.
Sorry Sock, but with the previous thread, that opening was just too good to be true ?
That might work, the only problem, is then you are stuck on the plane, whilst they analyse the white powder. Could pack some white powder in plastic bags, then you would be guaranteed a place to stay the night. Wouldn’t like your chances of getting out to have a look around though ?
No Len – we are off the plane. On the shutes Len. Like a flash. Before the plane even stops moving. I don’t think the refugees will mind a few cuts & bruises when they land on the tarmac do you? They’re in !!!
Trust me Len I have worked all this out. Dad will have some of the mob on hand to keep the feds back too. It’s all arranged.
So are you in?
Hey, put me in for five.
My money is on them finding that extra ounce of energy to lift the fight hand to the air to hail “the cab” ?
now there’s an appropriate typo if ever I saw one ?
I love such serendipity!
Free at last, free at last,
Oh god almighty
free at last
?
serendipity Iain, is that just another variation of Serin Gas ?
Only if you are Russian special forces storming a besieged Theatre full of Chechen terrorists….
oh shudder, memories of the movie One day in the life of Ivan Denisovich ? The old fish eye soup ? Had nightmares over that little scene for forty sum odd years………hold the phone, there’s an idea ?
Don’t have to worry about UN inspectors there ?
I know not of what you two speaks. Speak Engrish please.
BTW, I see I have been ‘outed’ again, this time as Ray Dixon. Will they ever get it right Iain? I don’t think so. Won’t they be surprised when they find out who I really am? The joke is on them – although I guess it’s not funny for Ray.
You never saw the movie of “One Day in the life Ivan Denisovic” ? Adaptation of Sozenitzen’s (have no idea how to spell it ?) book about a Russian political prisoner sentenced to life in a Siberia concentration camp. They are all sitting down to dinner (or whatever it was), after a hard day in the mines, and all sitting to fish soup. He puts his spoon in, and up pops a fish eye. Oh man, frightened the crap out of us school kids.
There’s a thought.
Put the next boatload in there.
A dead cert gold edged guarantee, that we would never see another refugee boat ever again ?
Bet money on it !
Every westerner should see the film, or read the book. You think we got it bad ?
Precis at
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_Day_in_the_Life_of_Ivan_Denisovich
A real eye opener.
I saw the film and I think that I read the book years ago, but the memory of the conditions depicted in the Gulags does make me think that those who complain about the conditions in our detention centres have no idea about what constitutes bad conditions. Heck the camp that my family stayed in when we arrived here were pretty bad, two families to each Nissen hut on an army base at Wacol, no individual bathing facilities, no television or entertainment, no heating or air-conditioning. and they gave us bloody Vegemite rolls* for our school lunches. Some people were there for two years before they got out.
* this was cruel and unusual punishment, a crime against humanity!
Bloody heathen !! Nothing wrong with vegemite. Got the same myself as a kid.
In Melbourne, the “Wacol”, was Watsonia army barracks from memory.
Sorry, I have little empathy for people, who can miraculously scrounge together money, to put their ‘menfolk’ on a leaky boat, to get into another country. I don’t get it, I maybe a bit thick, but I don’t get the level of desperation that these people are exhibiting here. These are not Afghans, nor are they Iraqi, they are Sri Lankans aren’t they ? Hell, there has been a civil war in Sri Lanka for a thousand years, why is it all of a sudden different now ? What’s changed ? The perception that Australia is a “soft touch” ?
These people have been well trained in what to do, and what to say. KRudd has to be real careful here, or else it could ruin his career as much as the Tampa did Howard in ?
Len although I personally detest Vegemite my wife and children still like the stuff so I will happily serve it to them. nothing will induce me to eat the stuff though.
I agree with what you are saying about the Sri Lankans though. But I suppose we should acknowledge that they have had (for most of the boat people) a life time where they have only known civil war. None the less I personally find it hard to believe that they are genuine refugees rather than economic migrants quite simply because they are mostly men rather than family groups, surely if it was as bad as the propaganda claims they would not leave their women and children there in the first instance..
I think that Rudd has been shown to be very weak on this issue and he is still floundering as we go into week four of the “crisis” what does that say about this government potential if there was something more threatening than 78 skinny Sri Lankans refusing to disembark from a ship after they were rescued. Forcing them into an inflatable boat and setting them adrift in Indonesian waters is looking more viable as an option each day this nonsense goes on. The trouble is that this government not only looks soft , it is soft!
Unfortunately Iain, once one lot of refugees are successful, (and at some point that must have occurred ?), then the word quickly gets back home, and then it’s on.
Before I get criticised of it, I love the Indian/Sri Lankan people. They have hearts of gold normally. They are friendly, and for them to act like they have here, they must have been placed in an unbelievably desperate position. I don’t deny their circumstances, just their solution.
The Australian authorities, of either party persuasion, have been placed in an un-winnable battle here. They are dammed if they let them in, by the 600k plus unemployed, as well as the already stressed welfare industry, or dammed by the world community, as well as the Sri Lankan community in Australia, for being inhumane if they don’t ?
I agree with you also, in that, the fact that they are single men, indicate well and truly, at least to me, that they are economic migrants, not refugees .
In any society, if the country of birth is/was under such turmoil, that demands you hit the high seas to attempt to escape it, you wouldn’t leave your family behind would you ? Your family would be put on the boat first ! This is the first, and primary alarm bell that rings loudly.
I don’t honestly think that Indonesia is the right alternative either. As said, they are only doing it for the money, nothing more. They should be put on a boat, and escorted back to Sri Lanka. Something has to be done, or they will continue to come. Having a couple of vessels quickly turned around, once spotted, would send a loud message back home, that Australia as a destination, is no longer an alternative. Then perhaps, the people there, may spend more time, and put in more effort, to make their own home more livable. The only way the situation in Sri Lanka (or wherever), is going to change, is if the people that live in these countries, stand up, be counted, and change it themselves. Ghandi did it ?
What I forgot to add to the above, was if we do let them in, what happens after the qualification time lapses, and the rest of the population can enter the country, legally, under the “Family Reunification Scheme” ?
That’s an even bigger problem. A thousand refugees, suddenly blows out to God knows what ?
Again, nothing to do with racism, nor compassion, merely straight economics. How do we pay for it ?